A Guide for Adult Children Who Have Lost a Parent to Suicide

Hey there,

First off, I want to acknowledge how incredibly tough this journey is. Losing a parent is already hard, but losing them to suicide adds layers of complexity and pain that can feel overwhelming. I know because I have gone through this myself when my father took his life in 2010.

This guide offers comfort, practical advice, and a reminder that you’re not alone.

Grief is a very personal experience, and there’s no right or wrong way to go through it. Here are a few things you might encounter:

• Shock and Disbelief: It’s normal to feel numb or like this isn’t real. Give yourself time to process.
• Guilt: You might replay past interactions, wondering if you could have done something differently. Remember, their decision was not your fault.
• Anger: Feeling angry at your parent, the situation, or even at life in general is a valid part of the grieving process.
• Sadness and Despair: These feelings can come in waves. Some days might be harder than others.
• Relief: This can be confusing but feeling relief that their suffering has ended doesn’t mean you loved them any less.

Taking Care of Yourself

In the midst of your grief, self-care might feel impossible, but it’s crucial. Here are some ways to take care of yourself:

1. Talk About It: Find a trusted friend, family member, or therapist to talk to. Sharing your feelings can help lighten the emotional load.
2. Write It Down: Journaling can be a powerful way to process your emotions and make sense of your thoughts.
3. Move Your Body: Physical activity, even a short walk, can help release some of the tension and stress.
4. Rest: Grief is exhausting. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep and rest.
5. Eat Well: It’s easy to neglect eating, but try to nourish your body with healthy food.

Navigating Relationships

Losing a parent to suicide can strain your relationships with family and friends. Here’s how to manage:

• Communicate: Be honest about how you’re feeling and what you need. People can’t read your mind.
• Set Boundaries: It’s okay to limit contact with people who aren’t supportive or understanding.
• Seek Support: Join a support group for suicide loss survivors. Connecting with others who have been through similar experiences can be incredibly validating.

Dealing with the “Why”

One of the hardest parts of losing a parent to suicide is not understanding why. It’s natural to have so many questions, but it’s important to accept that you might never have all the answers. Here’s what you can do:

• Focus on Their Life, Not Just Their Death: Remember the good times and celebrate their life, not just the way they died.
• Forgive Yourself: You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time.
• Let Go of the Need for Closure: It’s okay to not have all the answers. Allow yourself to find peace without complete understanding.

Moving Forward

Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting or “getting over” your loss. It means finding a way to live with it and integrating it into your life. Here are some ways to honor your parent and continue living your life:

1. Create a Memory Box: Fill it with photos, letters, and mementos that remind you of your parent.
2. Volunteer or Advocate: Getting involved in mental health awareness or suicide prevention can be a meaningful way to honor your parent.
3. Pursue Your Passions: Engaging in activities you love can bring joy and a sense of purpose back into your life.
4. Seek Professional Help: A grief counselor or therapist can provide tools and strategies to help you navigate this difficult time.

Conclusion

Losing a parent to suicide is a heart-wrenching experience, and there’s no easy fix. But by taking care of yourself, seeking support, and finding ways to honor their memory, you can navigate this painful journey and find a path forward. Remember, it’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling, and it’s okay to ask for help.

Take care of yourself, and know that you’re not alone.

Warmly,

Heather