When someone experiences tragedy—whether it’s losing a loved one, facing financial ruin, or enduring trauma—knowing what to say (or not say) can feel overwhelming. We want to offer comfort, but we also want to avoid minimizing their pain or sounding insensitive. Everyone processes loss differently, and for some, even well-meaning words can feel hurtful.

Whether you’re talking to someone who believes in God or someone who doesn’t, here are some helpful tips to keep in mind when offering support:

1. Acknowledge Their Pain

First and foremost, let them know you understand how devastating their situation is. Often, we feel the need to explain or give reasons for someone’s suffering, but that can backfire. Before anything else, acknowledge what they’re going through.

Instead of:

• “Everything happens for a reason.”

Try:

• “I can’t imagine what you’re going through. It must feel like everything’s been turned upside down.”

2. Avoid Offering Simplistic Explanations

In moments of deep pain, phrases like “It’s all part of God’s plan” or “Everything will work out” may feel dismissive. Even for people who are strong in their faith, these kinds of statements can unintentionally minimize the gravity of their suffering. It’s okay to admit that you don’t have all the answers.

Instead of:

• “God never gives us more than we can handle.”
• “Things will get better soon.”

Try:

• “I don’t have the answers, but I’m here to listen and walk with you through this.”

3. Recognize the Universality of Suffering

When someone is hurting, it’s tempting to compare their experience to others or try to explain why bad things happen. But life’s unfairness is something everyone, whether they believe in a higher power or not, struggles to understand. Acknowledge that we all wrestle with these hard questions, and there are no easy solutions.

Instead of:

• “Other people have gone through worse.”

Try:

• “I know these feelings of injustice and loss are heavy. So many people, regardless of faith, have struggled with why things like this happen.”

4. Share Your Own Experience Without Preaching

If you’ve gone through your own struggles or traumatic experiences, sharing your journey can sometimes help others feel less alone. However, it’s important not to use your story to push your beliefs onto someone else. Instead, focus on the strength or insights you gained without assuming that your path is the same one they should follow.

Instead of:

• “You just have to have faith like I did.”

Try:

• “When I went through something traumatic, I leaned on my faith for strength. But I realize that everyone processes these things differently.”

5. Listen More Than You Speak

One of the most valuable things you can offer someone in pain is your willingness to listen. Often, people just need a safe space to express their grief, anger, or confusion without feeling like they need to be “fixed.” Encouraging them to share their thoughts, rather than offering advice, can make a huge difference.

Instead of:

• “Have you tried looking at it this way?”

Try:

• “What’s been the hardest part for you? I’m here to listen, whatever you’re feeling.”

6. Don’t Rush Them Toward Healing

When you’re on the outside of someone’s suffering, it’s natural to want to push them toward resolution or healing. But for the person experiencing the loss, the road to recovery is often slow, and sometimes they don’t want to hear any advice at all. Practice patience. It’s okay if they aren’t ready to hear your words or don’t want to engage in conversation at the moment.

Instead of:

• “You’ll feel better soon.”
• “You’ll come out stronger on the other side.”

Try:

• “It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling right now. I’m here when you’re ready, even if that’s just to sit in silence.”

7. Offer Hope Without Minimizing

It’s possible to give hope without glossing over the real pain someone is facing. Instead of pushing for a silver lining, you can acknowledge their pain while gently reminding them that they aren’t alone and that healing, in whatever form it takes, is possible.

Instead of:

• “This will make you stronger.”
• “At least you still have…”

Try:

• “I know things are unbearable right now. But you don’t have to go through this alone.”

Final Thoughts: Practice Patience and Compassion

In the end, helping someone who’s suffered a great loss isn’t about finding the perfect thing to say—it’s about being there with them through their pain, listening without judgment, and acknowledging the depth of what they’re going through. Whether you’re speaking to a believer or a non-believer, keep in mind that grief is complex, and no one’s path is the same.

Let the person set the tone for the conversation. Be patient. You can’t rush their healing process, but you can be a steady presence as they navigate their own way through it.