Narcissists in the Wild

“You’re special. Different. I see you.”
—Joe Goldberg, YOU

“They love the spotlight. They charm a room. They always come back until you figure them out.”
—Every survivor of a narcissist, ever

We’ve All Met Him.

Sometimes he looks like a brooding bookstore owner with a tragic backstory (Joe Goldberg).
Other times, he stands on the world stage with relentless bravado and zero remorse (Donald Trump).
He might be a spiritual leader, an influencer, a CEO, or even that guy in college who always knew how to make you feel like the only one in the room—until you weren’t.

Pop culture is flooded with narcissists. We binge-watch them, meme them, date them, and sometimes, we marry them. And if you’re like me, you’ve survived one or more, and you carry the mental bruises invisible to the untrained eye.

But narcissists don’t always wear villain capes.
Their most dangerous trait is their ability to play the hero in their own story while quietly rewriting yours.

What Is a Narcissist, Really?

Forget the overused insult. A “Narcissist” isn’t just someone with too many selfies.

Clinically speaking, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition characterized by:

A grandiose sense of self-importance
A deep need for excessive admiration
A lack of empathy
Fantasies of unlimited success, power, or ideal love
Exploitative behaviors in relationships
Envy of others, or the belief that others envy them
Arrogant or haughty attitudes

But many people show narcissistic traits without meeting the full diagnosis. And often, the covert types are the most insidious—appearing sensitive, even spiritual, but using emotional manipulation as their weapon of choice.

Types of Narcissists:

Overt Narcissist: Loud, brash, dominant. Think Jordan Belfort in The Wolf of Wall Street.
Covert Narcissist: Victim-playing, subtle, and emotionally manipulative. Think Joe Goldberg—introspective but toxic.
Communal Narcissist: The “rescuer,” often in spiritual or social spaces. Think of the self-appointed healer who needs constant validation for helping.

And then there’s the Agentic Narcissist—a term used for the one who has an inflated sense of self-importance and is always striving for power, achievement, and recognition. They are great self-promoters, can appear empathetic, and easily exploit the weaknesses of others. He was mine.

Pop Culture Didn’t Prepare Us—It Primed Us

As little girls, we were told that if he teases you, it means he likes you.
We watched rom-coms where the emotionally unavailable man just needed the right woman to fix him.
We listened to songs romanticizing obsession (Every Breath You Take–yikes).
We learned to second-guess our instincts.
To romanticize the rollercoaster.
To believe “maybe I’m just not enough yet.”

Worse? We internalized these narratives just as we were forming our sense of self, already carrying the invisible weight of childhood trauma, family dysfunction, and spiritual confusion. That’s how the groundwork is laid. Not all at once, but brick by subtle brick.

The First Narcissist You Met Might Have Been in Your Own Home

Before I ever met my agent narcissist ex, the one who’d ghost me, breadcrumb me, and try to sabotage my future from afar, I was conditioned by family.

A father who taught me that men only value beauty as currency for sex.
A brother who told me that if I gained weight, no one would love me.
A society that upheld Kate Moss as the gold standard for womanhood.

When you grow up with conditional love, you don’t recognize red flags—you think they’re just how love works. You confuse anxiety with butterflies. You chase validation because love always felt earned, never given freely.

But Here’s What I Know Now

Narcissists don’t want partners; they want mirrors.
They reflect only what makes them feel powerful. And when your reflection no longer flatters them, they smash the mirror and blame the glass.

Healing from that kind of erasure isn’t instant. It’s slow, sacred work. But it begins by calling things what they are. And by remembering that God never asked you to play savior to someone who only wanted to play god.

Maybe one day I’ll share what it looked like to be “the narcissist’s supply”—how I got sucked in, spit out, and started over. But for now, just know this:

If you’ve ever been ghosted, gaslit, manipulated, or made to feel crazy, you are not alone. You are not weak. And you are not beyond healing.

This is where the fire begins. Not to destroy, but to refine.
Let’s keep going.